This post is the second in a series about my personal journey to health and happiness, and the challenges I've faced getting there. In this series, I'm going beyond my comfort zone, sharing my personal challenges and what's helping me overcome them. I hope that reading about my experience will help you in your quest to achieve joy, purpose and abundance.
The road to personal good health and happiness has been a long one for me. But this shift has a grip that resonates in my body, in my core. It feels real, instead of conjured. I still have a way to go, but I’m improving steadily.
I’ve been to a lot of good, caring doctors and some who weren’t so good or caring. Some helped, but no single doctor was able to provide the entire answer. So I set my own strong intention for health. I imagine in detail how clear I’ll feel when I’m completely healthy. I envision what it will be like to take up yoga and train for another marathon. I see myself as strong, fit, energetic and beautiful, walking around wearing cute clothes, feeling attractive and good in my body. I can see it, feel it, and almost touch it.
Bit by bit the vision is coming true. I’m waking up a little earlier and I can run relatively short distances. I’m not any faster but it’s not the excruciating slog it was.
I’ve become exquisitely attuned, able to feel all the way into my body. I take care of it, eat well, exercise, and take the right supplements. No doctor has been able to reach all the way inside me and give me all the answers to my physical condition or how my emotional life and past lives affected it. I had to learn how to feel into my own body, emotions and spirit and access my own guidance.
During one of my 3 a.m. wakeups I realized that I was thinking dark, fearful thoughts from the comfort of my warm bed. My adoring husband was nearby. Earlier, I’d been texting with good friends. I finally got enough distance to recognize that this was what Julia Ross, author of The Mood Cure, calls a false mood. The depression and anxiety were largely physiological.
Both thinking and biochemistry play a role. I can’t just take a pill and suddenly have everything become all sunshine. I have to be aware of my thoughts and choose empowering ones. On the other hand, I can focus on positive thoughts all day long, but unless I support my biochemistry with the right supplements, my thinking and mood snap right back to desolation and fear.
There is an intricate connection between body and mind. Emotions have a huge impact on health. I was given away for adoption at birth. Research has shown that babies, even in utero, are much more aware than previously thought. Separation from or rejection by a child’s biological mother causes the baby extreme stress. The child mourns the separation and often becomes depressed.
Even after the trauma of separation, as a small child, I was open. I was ready and willing to love and connect. But there was so much weird, wacky stuff in my family that I shut down to protect myself.
I’m embarrassed to still talk about my childhood. My mind says I should be over it by now. I’ve heard clients express similar sentiments. I tell them that it’s o.k. to bring issues up again. Sometimes we need to visit an issue numerous times to clear it. Each time we come to it at a different level.
Depression and stress from birth and childhood were lurking at the bottom of the barrel from the beginning. Much as I’d tried to address them, the depression and stress remained underneath, affecting my health and coloring my experience. Finally, I’ve reached the core and I’m integrating the truth that love and connection are who I am. All I need to do is to be present, aware and open to love. Knowing that I am love and connection is no longer just a mental construct. I feel love and connection in my body.
Charged emotions attract events and people into our lives. When we shift into the joy that is our natural state, it changes the frequency of our energy and attracts positive results. Feeling lighter and more grateful lets our energy flow. Lightness and gratitude help create physical and mental wellbeing.
My experience with dysfunctional families and health challenges was no accident. My soul’s purpose is to transcend these challenges and help others. Because we’re all connected, our personal healing helps humanity heal and make the shift from fear to love. When we look at it from this perspective, we can view challenges as opportunities to grow and help not only ourselves, but others. Overcoming challenges is no easy task, but the growth we experience and the strength we gain makes the work worthwhile.