From Wanting to Choosing: How to Cultivate Emotional Power and Self-Trust

“I just want to be happy. Feel good. Enjoy this day and the cooking and laundry I’m doing to get ready for another week of doing what I love - connecting authentically, helping people heal and find peace.”

That thought ran through my head as I set an intention and prepared for the day’s activities. 

For me, cooking is a creative joy. I love feeding myself and my husband well because diet is fundamental to good health. I love the ritual and the loving care I put into it.

Yet when it comes down to the actual doing, I sometimes find myself rushing to complete tasks. Exasperated when another timer goes off while I’m pulling something out of the oven and I couldn’t reach the dish I needed. The joy I wanted to feel had vanished. I wasn’t in the moment as it was—I was just trying to get through it.

A question I’ve started asking myself: Do I want something, or am I choosing it?

Do I want to enjoy what I’m doing or am I choosing to do so?

There’s a world of difference.

Wanting vs. Choosing

We spend so much time wanting—to feel happy, to be healthy, connected, to stop the constant hum of anxiety or low-level dread. 

We want peace. Confidence. To feel like we’re enough.

But wanting is passive.  It implies lack. That we don’t have something. That what we want is outside of us. That maybe—if we’re lucky—it’ll come to us. Wanting is flaccid. A crapshoot.

Yet we keep doing it. Hoping the outside world will arrange itself to accommodate our inner longings.

But here's the thing: when we’re stuck in wanting, we’re not participating in creation. We’re not taking responsibility for our energy—our presence, our actions, our alignment. We're giving away our power.

Choosing is something else.

Choosing to be awake is active. Clear, present, committed, and….vulnerable.  

When we choose, we send a clear signal—to the universe and to ourselves. We’re saying: I’m in. I’m aligned. I’m available for this. That alignment opens a channel for peace, for joy, and transformation—not by force, but by resonance.

Emotional Alchemy: Transforming Feelings Into Self-Trust

But here’s why many of us don’t choose. We’re afraid to feel.

We’ve spent decades managing, controlling, succeeding, fixing. Feelings were either inconvenient, indulgent, or seen as weakness. Vulnerability? Off-limits. Shame? Buried. Fear? Ignored. Grief? Postponed—indefinitely.

But the truth is this:

Feelings won’t kill us. Avoiding them will.

When we avoid feeling, we avoid living. We become disconnected from ourselves—unavailable for real joy, creativity, or peace. This is often the moment when resistance shows up and pulls you away from what you say you want. We rush through the day, numb, anxious or exhausted, and wonder why nothing gets done, nothing feels quite right. Learning to move gently through resistance is part of building self-trust.

Enter: Emotional Alchemy

Emotional alchemy is the process of transforming painful, stuck, or suppressed emotions into peace, self-trust and power. Not by bypassing. Not by forcing positivity. But by feeling them fully—compassionately, courageously—and letting them move through.

Just like traditional alchemy turns lead into gold, emotional alchemy transforms wounding into wisdom—shame into self-worth, fear into freedom, pain into peace.

It’s not something most of us were taught. Especially not in the mainstream world, or in families where feelings were seen as messy or dangerous. Denigrated because we’re so used to being in survival. But feelings are the gateway back to wholeness.

This doesn’t mean you wake up one day and decide to be fearless or perfectly peaceful. It means you wake up and choose to be present. You choose to feel what’s real. You choose to stay with yourself—even when it’s uncomfortable.

You meet the grief instead of pushing it away. You allow the anger that’s been buried for decades to speak. You soothe the inner critic and choose to listen to the younger version of yourself who just wants to feel safe.

That’s alchemy.

Choosing Peace, One Moment at a Time

So back to the kitchen.

It wasn’t about the food or the timers or the missing pan. It was about my energy. I was in “get it done” mode—rushing through something I said I wanted to enjoy.

I stopped. Took a deep breath. Slowed down. Chose presence and peace.

That’s how we begin to shift—moment by moment.

So I’ll ask you what I asked myself:

• Are you wanting peace, or are you choosing it?
  

• Are you hoping to feel whole one day in the future, which never comes because all we have is now, or are you showing up for wholeness in this moment?
  

• Are you willing to feel—so that what’s true can emerge?
  

You don’t have to fix everything overnight. You just have to start choosing—with your breath, actions and thoughts. 

The life you want begins with choosing to feel. Opening your heart, which is where you’ll find the courage to let that feeling lead you home.

What Did This Bring Up For You?

I’d love to hear.

 What’s one area of your life where you’re ready to move from wanting to choosing?

 Reply in the comments below — I read every message personally.