Stop Holding on for Dear Life and Reclaim Your Power in an Increasingly Aggressive World

“I’ve felt ashamed of being female,” a client admitted recently. She spoke about the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways her "soft" qualities—emotion, intuition, kindness, and nurturing—had been denigrated as weaknesses throughout her life.

And it’s not just women who get 'softness shamed.' Some of my male clients have had their sensitivity demeaned, as well. 

I knew exactly what she meant. I grew up with a constant undercurrent of diminishment, expected to stay silent and invisible. Later, in college, a boyfriend told me that a woman’s primary job was taking care of the man (cooking, cleaning, sex) and if she had leftover time, then she could go to school.

I thought he was joking. Until I realized he wasn’t.

Why Does the World Feel More Aggressive Lately?

We are seeing a resurgence of this “power over” mentality today. You’ve probably felt it. It’s the repairman who tries to push his way into your home without an appointment because his convenience matters more than your boundaries. It’s the "macho" guy in the supermarket aisle expecting you to step aside for him.

It’s a "How dare you be a powerful, self-respecting human being" glare.

But here’s the truth: The need to dominate comes from weakness, not strength. It’s an insecurity that mistakes “force” for “power”. When someone tries to push you, they are usually trying to soothe their own internal contraction. 

Restoring the Balance: Softness is a Strength, not a Liability

Our culture teaches that being "strong" means being a hard, loud, dominating "bulldozer."

People assume that kind, sensitive, caring individuals are easy to exploit. 

This couldn’t be further from the truth. Genuine power requires balancing two distinct energies. 

The Active (Protection):

• Setting Firm Boundaries
  

• Taking Decisive Action
  

• Physical and Emotional Protection
  

• Discerning Clarity (The ability to see a situation for what it is, without sugarcoating).
  

The Receptive (Connection):

• Deep Listening and Intuition
  

• Love, Kindness, and Consideration
  

• Creativity and Regeneration
  

• Compassion and Softness
  

Peace and confidence come from embracing both. When we buy into being "less than" because we are kind or sensitive, we are actually agreeing to stay small. We become "half-beings," living in a state of constant stress and competition.

How to Stop Being "Small" Without Becoming "Hard"

Many high-achievers think the answer to an aggressive world is to wall themselves off. But this just keeps the "exhaustion" in. The real secret is Somatic Authority. The confidence of an open heart. 

When you know your worth, you don't need to fight for space in the grocery store, or on the freeway. Your presence holds space for you. You recognize that "macho" push is just someone else’s insecurity bumping into your peace.

You don’t have to choose between being a doormat or a bulldozer. True power comes from  embracing the entirety of your essence—both strong and soft—which brings self-assurance and freedom.

What's Your Experience?

• Have you been told that being "soft" or "kind" made you weak?

  
  

• Have you felt a "push" from the world lately to stay small or subservient?

Reply in the comments below - I read them all.